wartortles:

wartortles:

its so sad that blind people cant see the internet

*single tear drops down face* thats so beautiful 

if you’re a girl and you dont like when a guy licks your nipple you are lying and its about time someone said this

ifyoucarryonthisway:

you know if i was a young boy and my father took me into the city to see a marching band i would actually be pretty pissed if he said son when you grow up would you be the savior of the broken the beaten and the damned like dad im trying to enjoy this parade can we talk about this later jesus christ 

kushangel:

i just said hi to someone and they didn’t hear me i’m never trying that again

snorlaxatives:

99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times

*wears shirt that only covers half of boob*

lameborghini:

will commit illegal crimes in exchange for mozzarella sticks

nigerian:

[singing in shower] [simon cowell appears] “its a no from me”

you know when youre having sex with a dude, or giving him head, and he whispers fuuuck

yeah thats probably one of the greatest moments in life

this is actually extremely accurate 

I cried more for the finale of my favorite tv show than at any wedding or funeral i have ever attended what does that say about me 

sheepishwoes:

da fuck did i just read

secretlymisha:

as far as i can tell from my dash there’s some sort of gay musical olympics going on that only europe was invited to