Anonymous asked: I can't believe I lost a bunch of weight using the TUMBLR DIET!!! Are u using this too? Tumblr won't let me post links but check it out at TwitterHealthDiet[d0t]com
I am actually trying to gain weight so that if a tornado hits my house i will be harder to sweep away, but thanks.
you know that whole “cant stand up after sex” thing is thought by virgins to be a joke or exaggeration but i definitely remember the first few years I was sexually active every time after sex i’d try to stand and almost fall or have to hold on to the wall cause my legs would shake so bad
Imagine that you’re awkwardly sitting there at a formal dance when suddenly you see a hand extended towards you. ”May I have this dance?” they ask. You look up, and find that it’s your favorite character.
Imagine that favorite character then fucking you so hard that night that you don’t think you’ll be able to stand the next morning.
(Source: zooeyclairedeschanel, via xx-ultra-vomit-xx)
oh my god hes called stitch because hes what pulls their family together
where is the clitoris?
on the website it says on the crest of the labia.
what does that mean?
what does the female vagina look like??
(Source: heatedtable, via randomtroll)
“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”
“no, i said she was fucking goofy”
please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother
Anonymous asked: haha screw your wedding pics I liked that pictures of your tits though 10/10
Thanks, I think you have the wrong person though.
There are no such pictures that I know of.
reed-johnson7 asked: Oh wow I just saw your wedding photos and you looked absolutely beautiful! You and your husband are the cutest and I wish you a life full of happiness together.
Is it “be super nice day” today?
I think so.
Thank you sooooo much!!!!!
nips and hips otherwise im not eating
(Source: shitscarletttsays, via h1gh-tid3s)
Anonymous asked: I just saw your wedding pictures!!!!! So pretty!!!! It looks fancy! You looked so beautiful, I love the dress! I always want to talk to you but I'm nervous ):
aweeeeeeeeeeeee, so sweeet. I <3 you
Also, dude? Nervous? I’m a fucking loser.
Please, come loooooveee meeeeeeee.