you know that whole “cant stand up after sex” thing is thought by virgins to be a joke or exaggeration but i definitely remember the first few years I was sexually active every time after sex i’d try to stand and almost fall or have to hold on to the wall cause my legs would shake so bad
masasexual: marciewantsthev: masasexual: Imagine that you’re awkwardly sitting there at a formal dance when suddenly you see a hand extended towards you. ”May I have this dance?” they ask. You look up, and find that it’s your favorite character. Imagine that favorite character then fucking you so hard that night that you don’t think you’ll be able to stand the next morning.
amporasses: oh my god hes called stitch because hes what pulls their family together
where is the clitoris? on the website it says on the crest of the labia. what does that mean? what does the female vagina look like??
megaman2: megaman2: “mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?” “no, i said she was fucking goofy” please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother ohmygod
Anonymous asked: haha screw your wedding pics I liked that pictures of your tits though 10/10
reed-johnson7 asked: Oh wow I just saw your wedding photos and you looked absolutely beautiful! You and your husband are the cutest and I wish you a life full of happiness together.
nips and hips otherwise im not eating
↖ is now accepting curious anons.
Anonymous asked: I just saw your wedding pictures!!!!! So pretty!!!! It looks fancy! You looked so beautiful, I love the dress! I always want to talk to you but I'm nervous ):
“how many slices of cheesecake can a person eat before choking on their on self hatred” -a book by me
jaredhower: i hate when i wear a skirt or dress somewhere and people ask me why i’m dressed so fancy like i don’t need an occasion to free my legs from the constraints of pants thank you very much
Try to seduce me in 7 words or less.
dylanobylan: i’m glad we don’t have To hunt for our food any more.. i don’t even know where Sandwiches live
deodrant: i just watched a video of this guy getting wax removed from his ear and they found a roach in his ear and i will never be the same
roughrimjob: fingerin yo gurl like omg
Anonymous asked: You seriously have a set night of the week to have sex? Wow, i never want to get married. Thanks.
sharonosbourne: paulbearer: there are people who think kit kats taste good yeah they’re called smart people
Anonymous asked: I think there is some truth to both. I don't think we are blind to looks, but I would definitely sleep with a lot of girls who I don't publicly show a lot of interest in. Just because I'm not actively chasing you doesn't mean I wouldn't fuck you if you were naked in my bed. I hope that makes sense. I stayed anon because I don't need anon hate for just being honest....
ok so i have a question about sex
and now that i’ve got your attention i’d like to run something by you. and I’m speaking mostly to guys or girls who have spoke about this with a guy before. My husband and I were arguing about whether guys or girls were more “physically particular”.. I said I think guys are way more hard to please because they are always going on about these “sexy” girls...
mista-zacharie-miau asked: wow so i just wanted to say a late congrazzles on you're wedding and that you're beautiful and your hubby is super duper lucky and yeah :3
catholicschoolprincess: you can probably find your boyfriend in my tagged/me jacking off
ok, so for the anon who asked about my wedding...
my shoes My bridesmaids My cake My dad and my sisters and me in a group hug Leo and his best man right when i walked out During the ceremony My bow! Entrance Grooms cake(: Exit! I’m hoping to have REAL pictures soon): My photographer is late): But i’m glad you asked!(: SOmeone loves me(:
Anonymous asked: WHEN WAS YOUR WEDDING??? PICS!
goinnnnggggg take a shower scruba dub dub cause...
ericrobert: the-nard-cat: omg my husband was at mcdonalds and he tried to order five hot and spicys but he jumbled the words hot and spicy and ended up telling the lady he needed “Fot and spicys” i am literally about to die The real moral of the story is; Who the hell needs 5 Hot and Spicy McChicken sandwiches from McDonald’s? My husband eats enough food in one sitting to feed a small...
omg my husband was at mcdonalds and he tried to order five hot and spicys but he jumbled the words hot and spicy and ended up telling the lady he needed “Fot and spicys” i am literally about to die
meladoodle: nahthatsnotveryraven: meladoodle: don’t swallow cum i hear it stays in your stomach for 7 years im pretty sure thats gum no it’s semen
drarna: instead of learning from my mistakes i like to dwell on them until i have a panic attack
likeslothstoflames: hey remember that time i got grounded because i saw my dads girlfriend in the car and then saw my dad putting the dog in the back of the car and asked why he was bringing both the dogs with us
tvspecial: chickensandwich: tvspecial: someone ride me where are you taking me church
jehovas-witness: internetexplorers: cheese3d: nothings worse than soft grapes soft apples soft dicks
cleverness-of-me: dontblink91011: luigiman: my cousin asked me what my favorite season was and i said “of what” and i just it’s frightening how long it took me to figure out what was wrong with that response me too omfg
maxterbate: maxterbate: Why dont you guys want Yahoo to buy Tumblr? Free chocolate milk for everyone i have just been informed on this
wartortles: wartortles: its so sad that blind people cant see the internet *single tear drops down face* thats so beautiful